Confidence Link Focuses On Your “Inner Coach”.
January 27th, 2011
Today I want to help you focus on your “inner coach”. This is crucial when it comes to controlling negative thoughts and programming.
Our minds are a constant hive of activity. As you read this, you are currently processing many different bits of information, some are significant while others are less so. Your brain is receiving information from all of your senses taken from all of your surroundings. On top of all that you have to absorb this article too! However, the mind is not just a simple sponge because it also has to interpret all of the information it receives.
Human beings are not just walking calculators because we actively engage with the information that we receive. More often than not our memory of an event is not a flawless record. Much of what we remember depends upon how we were feeling at the time, what else was going on, who we were with and what our values were at the time. The latter point is the most interesting one of all because it means that our experiences are shaped by what we believe to be true instead of what we know to be true. Values also change. As we experience life in general, our attitudes to life change to reflect our different point of view. For example parents, or older people in general, will ALWAYS criticise the younger generation as being lazy, noisy, etc whilst totally forgetting that they were young once themselves. It`s all a matter of perspective, where you view the argument from.
The type of values and beliefs we have determines the filter we sift our memories through. People with very optimistic values, for instance, will tend to draw the positives out of an event and vice versa. We therefore live in a strange circle whereby our experiences shape our beliefs and our beliefs shape our experiences. When it comes to examining our point of view, we must take into consideration the subjective nature of memory recall.
It is fortunate that we have the choice of actively engaging with our subconscious to change our record of events. A lot of therapeutic intervention involves getting an individual to take an alternative point of view of an event. It is a bit like getting a pessimist to see the half empty cup as a half full one. If you have ever suffered from a negative experience, upbringing or traumatic injury, then remember that a point of view is never set in stone should you be struggling to get over it.
Don’t feel that bad events or a dreadful childhood have to condemn you to a life of problems. Many people survive troubled families. The majority of adult children of alcoholics do not repeat their parent`s drinking patterns, and the same is true of adults who have survived families troubled by mental illness, chronic marital problems, racial discrimination or poverty.
NOTE – Some children naturally rebound from knock-backs with their self-esteem intact. If you need help doing this now you’re an adult, talking to a therapist can help.
The way we view our experiences affects the inner voice we all here from time to time. Of course, the inner voice can appear in non verbal ways too – It can appear in the form of a feeling or sensation. Ever felt like trying something new but didn’t because you had the feeling you would not be good enough? Well, that is your inner critic doing its usual trick of holding you back and putting you down. If you ever experience this type of feeling more than a ‘can do’ attitude then it’s time to return to your inner coach again.
Why again, you ask? The answer is because our inner coach is the loudest voice inside us as children. Think about how daring you are as a child. Consider all the new things you are willing to try and the people you are happy to give the benefit of the doubt to. The inner critic sets in as we get older, more cynical and worldly wise. The inner critic is the part of you that sticks to playing safe, to not speak to that cool looking person in a bar, to not have the bottle to ask your boss about a raise.
It is up to you to decide whether you would rather have an inner coach or an inner critic. Your inner coach is encouraging, constructive and empowering while you inner critic is paralysing, destructive and submissive. Obviously we need to be able to critique our behaviour in a constructive way, and yet so many people end up by putting themselves down.
One of the best ways to develop the inner coach is through relaxation. Maintain a positive attitude when times are tough by visualising or thinking about something relaxing. Take a few moments to imagine a favourite place, floating in the sea or lying in bed, and you’ll switch into a calmer physical state.
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